It takes a Village...

I'm almost halfway through my commitment to teach in detroitmakesyouhardcore (spell check just turned "Detroit" into "detroitmakesyouhardcore" and I'm not going to change that little bit of awesomeness!) for three years. I don't know what God has planned after that. I may keep teaching, I may not. I'm not concerned with all that jazz right now. 

What I am concerned with is my teaching. Now, I'm not here to whine. But, you must know, it is HARD to be a teacher. Well, correction, to be a teacher who wants to be a good teacher. It is easy to be complacent and shift the blame to hundreds of other factors affecting education. But to be a good teacher really takes a lot of mental, physical, and spiritual effort. 

I am faced with my failure daily. Every day I see how I could have loved more, been more patient, cut out the sarcasm, started with a clean slate with that kid, treated everyone more fairly, smiled more...the list goes on and on. Every day I see how I've mostly taught to the middle group of students without stretching my "A" students and without catering to my special needs students. Every day I can find examples of how I've put my own needs before the needs of my students. 

Teaching is hard when you want to do it right. 

Of course I find joy in my work. Like when I sat Jose next to Samuel and all of a sudden Samuel was inspired to start doing his work again. I would look over and the two boys would be on a mission to help each other understand math. Or the day I finally began to understand one of my autistic kids. He is brilliant. He is hilarious. I think he has his own comedy acts going on in his head because sometimes he can't stop laughing after someone said or did something. I just know he is replaying the incident again and again. I've totally done that (grape stomping video). I really love that kid. I love seeing one of my tough boys becoming more kind and generous, willing to look out for the underdog and stand up for his classmates. Even though it annoys me, I enjoy my kids that are too smart for their own good and pray that their creativity takes them to many successes throughout their lives. I hurt when I hear the mother of two of my girls who has been completely uninvolved is dying of cervical cancer and forcing them to care for her despitet he fact she never taught them what to care for someone else looks like. I hurt when I notice sexual bondage already taking hold of my boys. I hurt when my students don't have parents and are begging so much for love that they resort to physically harming their own bodies because the pain they feel is just too much. 

...but half the time I forget all of this in the day to day struggle of teaching. Keeping up with the pacing chart and making sure kids understand the convection currents that cause wind becomes the fore front focus of my life. 

But there was that one time that Jesus spoke to the winds and the waves to be quiet... Peace! He said. Be still!

It takes a village to raise a child. We've all heard that phrase and nodded in agreement, "true, true," we've said and then went along with out day. Well today I am asking you to not move on in your day until you do me a favor. Pray for me. Ask that I would be full of joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness and self-control. Ask that I would see what Jesus sees and love my kids fully. Pray for the 140 seventh grade students that I teach. Ask that they would find peace, safety, and comfort in my classroom. Ask that they would be valued, respected, and loved in my classroom. Ask that as they learn science they would come to know just how amazing God the Creator is. 

I have one more request. It takes a village to raise a child. Will you commit to pray for me and my classroom? Many days I feel the need for an entire village to be in my classroom with me, at my side, helping me give these kids life. Your prayers would mean more than I can express. 

I walk in, turn on the light, and say hello to the dragon.
I walk to my desk and turn on the computer.
I grab the remote and turn on the projector.
I try to hook up the iPad. Still not working.
I open the PowerPoint presentations for the day.
The bell rings and I greet my kiddos.
I take attendance online.
I refer to the PowerPoint slides.
I show videos on scaled models of the solar system. We see the earth. We see the sun. We see the orbits and rotations of the objects in the solar system. We learn how vast and diverse the place we call home is.
I show images of landmarks in the Northeast. I have students describe what they see and infer how people interact with the land and geography of the region.
I turn on the document camera and place the iPad underneath it.
I open the Stack the States app.
We play games. We learn the names of the states. We learn the flags and landmarks of the states. We learn where the states belong, how they look, and their size compared to each other.

My kids earn class points because they are engaged.

Today was amazing. Technology really does make a huge difference.

Let the Countdown Begin!!!

I am ten weeks away from having my first year of teaching in the bag. Woooo!

This year has been quite a challenge. No one can really prepare you for being a teacher. It is a hands-on job that you can only learn in the field.

I was ready to be a teacher. I was ready to teach in Detroit. I was even ready to teach in a messy district. I really was and it is almost entirely because I had amazing leadership in my life growing up. I was practically raised by teachers. My youth pastors taught me how to lead, love, not make excuses, endure, and stare hard things right in the face. I was taught not to compromise, to do everything with integrity and to evaluate and reevaluate. Spiritually, I was raised by two of Detroit's finest mentors-- themselves being grads of DPS, residents of Detroit and lovers of Jesus. Honestly, if it wasn't for the influence of the Meriweathers in my life I don't think I would have been ready for this job.

In saying that, even though I was ready for it, it has been a tough year.

I have learned many valuable lessons.
1- I hate writing lesson plans!  They are never done. They just hang over your head every second of every day. I mean, once I have them done for one week, I still have to think about the next week and the week after that and the week after that...  It is a stress that doesn't end.
2- I show my emotions on my face. And some days that means I show kids how much they are annoying me. This is definitely my first priority during summer. I've got to develop a classroom management plan that fits me and is proactive in every way.
3- I have a lot left to learn. There are so many areas for me to grow in as a teacher. Better assessments, better use of time, better classroom management, better lessons, better communication with parents.... The list goes on. Usually I am very hard on myself. I have been able to have grace for myself this first year, but you better believe I'm using this summer to make many necessary changes. My kids deserve the best teacher I can be.
4- I'm comfortable in front of a crowd. I love to be goofy with my kids. I love to talk in weird accents and do fun dances. I love to surprise my students so that they listen. I like kids.
5- I really do believe that no child is too far gone. Every student can learn. Every student deserves to learn. Every student is loved and treasured by God, even if they get under my skin. This year I have realized that the grace God has shown me in my sin has helped me to show grace to my students in theirs. And every student NEEDS to know that I love them. They need it so much. They need to know that I am on their side cheering for them. It changes everything!

I've got a long way to go, but I am happy with this year. It hasn't been terrible. It's not a horror story I will have to tell in the future. It has been good. Maybe even great. I've gotten the chance to interact with 150 kids as students. I've gotten the opportunity to love 150 students. And though I haven't done this without fault, I have done it.

And I still have ten weeks left!  Oh, that God would let me ooze with love and grace each of these last 50 days!

One of the most important things I've learned from the Meriweathers is finishing strong. Warriors don't fizzle out near the end of the battle. They know the end is near and so they go hard til the end. (If only more people understood this concept.) I'm not going to slowly fade away during this last stretch. I've been taught better than that.

So let the countdown begin! I've got ten more weeks to do right by my kids and prove they are worth fighting for!

(Thank God for Pinterest!)

March Madness

I miss my fifth graders!

I thought the switch was going to be incredibly easy. I thought that I would do an amazing job.
HA! ...not even close.

I went from 50 fifth graders to 90 fourth graders. And I just have to say it because it must be said, the 4th graders are BABIES compared to the 5th graders. It's sad, but oh, so true. It can take 15 minutes for a 4th grader to copy 3 sentences.

I had to slow my pace waaaaaaay down.

Having 3 classes is a LOT different than just 2. My last class is Ca-RAY-ZAAAY! They spend the first 6 hours of school learning and by the time they get to me they just want the day to end. It is extremely difficult to keep them quiet in their seats.

And the number of behavior problems doubled. Naturally.

So, it's been a tough couple of months in 4th grade. Right now we are doing our electricity and magnetism unit. The kids love being able to make circuits and get light bulbs to light or motors to run. However, they are not able to put their learning into valuable language. They can't explain to me anything they've learned using the accurate vocabulary. It has gotten very disheartening.

In addition to trying to catch an entire grade up to where they should be by this point in the year, there is almost no instructional time in March. My kids have THREE different standardized tests to take in one month. We have to test all of the students in their reading, language and math skills with the NWEA MAPs test. Then we have to test each of them on their science and social studies skills with district mandated pre-tests. And we have to test them on their ability to read, write, listen and speak the English language with the ELPA test. This one is the worse because it requires each student to be tested individually! So I have the option of either testing my kids or teaching my kids. Of course, I have to test them because there are deadlines and it isn't an option to test regardless.

My first semester of teaching was so much rosier than this last one.

I've decided that I will spend my summer on my teaching skills and getting prepared for the fall. Hopefully I'll have the same assignment as fourth grade sci/ss teacher so that I can refine my lessons this summer and not have to worry about it during the school year. And I desperately need to work on my classroom management. I'm finding that I'm falling into bad habits and showing my annoyance with kids much easier than ever before.

Phew. Pray for me. :)

First day of School...all over again

Hi friends!

2 weeks ago MEAP results were released. My principal, who is known as the "turn around" principal, was furious. Some of our scores went down from last year. And while some of the scores went up, the highest proficiency percent was in the thirties. This means that 70ish percent of the school is not proficient in academic subjects.

At the same staff meeting we were told that teachers would be moved around because we've got some major changes that need to happen to get our kids in shape. Last Wednesday my assistant principal announced the changes. I'm being moved from 5th grade science and math to 4th grade science and social studies.

Now, here are the pros and cons:
Cons: new kids, my kids won't get the science they deserve anymore, half a year left to teach what you would cover in a whole year.
Pros: NO MORE MATH!!! Had some of the kids as 3rd graders, I like teaching science and social studies, I get to keep my room, I get to start over as a teacher

I could stay mad about the fact that my fifth graders will be with a teacher who doesn't really know how to teach science. That is an injustice. I've poured into them, I've had plans for them. I could stay mad about the fact that I'm going from fifty students to eighty. I could stay mad about all sorts of things. But I don't want to.

I'm happy I'm done with math. I hate teaching math. I'm happy I get some of my third graders from Maybury. I liked those kids. It's going to be like a family reunion on Monday. I'm happy that my administration has enough faith in me to put me in a more critical teaching position (5th grade takes the science MEAP which tests on science learned in 4th grade).

What I'm really happy about is being given the chance to start over in the middle of my first year as a teacher. Thursday night I couldn't fall asleep. My head was full of ideas and plans to shape the culture of my new classroom. I was dog tired on Friday, but had gotten all of my ideas written down so Thursday night's brain explosion was worth it.

I think the most critical thing lacking in student's ability to achieve is motivation. I am reorganizing everything in my classroom and the way that I teach and handle discipline so that students feel empowered and motivated and want to learn. My goal is to be able to convince my students that they are full of greatness, that they are oozing with it. The best part is its not a lie. How crazy is it that the creator of the universe made human beings and hid in them greatness that represents their creator!?! These kids are full of greatness. I know because I have experienced God's love. Oh, how He loves us! I can't preach the gospel, but I can speak the truth. I think students who believe they can succeed will.

I need to make learning fun. Now, I don't usually have a problem with this when it comes to science and social studies, so that's almost already taken care of for me now that math is gone. But learning has to be fun. No one looks back on the lectures they had in the classroom as life changing moments. It is the activities, the investigations, the hands-on experiences that change the lives of learners.

I need to treat students with the utmost respect. Pulling kids aside to address issues instead of putting them on the spot in the middle of the classroom is a must for students to feel safe and cared for. Not showing annoyance is a must for students to feel valued and respected. I've got to change the bad habits I've gotten into. I know I'm going to have some behavior challenges, and I pray that when those come the grace of God falls on me and I can do justly in that situation. I want my kids to be excited to come to my class. And I want them to prove that they are as capable of being respectful, courteous, and kind as any other kid this world has seen. That starts with me being the example.

Detroit has a lot to prove. The nation is waiting for Detroit to finally disappear. But there is too much heart here. Detroit isn't going to just quiet down and get out of the picture. Detroit is going to rise. A shaking has to happen first though. The old structures that aren't stable and secure have to be shown for what they are and broken down. That's what we are going through. That's what I want to make it through. In the middle of the smoke and ashes when this is all said and done, I want to be with an army of kids that are ready to turn this whole thing around - Kids that are intelligent, creative, and determined. That's what I want to give life to in my classroom.

And so, in a way, it is the grace of God that I get to start over. My mind is renewed. My strength is renewed. My vision is clear. And as long as Jesus stays by my side, I will succeed and my kids will come out of this messy city with the wind under their wings. I'm ready for that.

Tomorrow I'm going to make it happen.

Hump Day

Sometimes just making it past Wednesday is the encouragement that you need for the week. Right now, I feel like making it back to school on Monday will be the ultimate hump day challenge.

I like teaching. I like teaching in Detroit. I like teaching my students.

I hate the system. It is so broken. And it is absolutely beyond me, or any other teacher, to fix it. I am given a pacing chart and told what to teach each day. I am expected to stay on track with the pacing chart. I am expected to differentiate my lessons so that my students, who are all at different levels, can be fairly accessed on the same content but not at the same depth. And yet, each of my students needs to know the same things for the standardized tests because I am evaluated on their performance on these tests. None of it is fair. It's not fair to the teachers and its not fair to the kids.

In the perfect school, kids would be assigned groups based on what they know, not their age. They would be taught in groups no larger than twelve. They would be able to move to another group based on their skill level gained or need for more instruction. Kids would be allowed to study in depth the things that fascinate them, whether it be music, social studies, physics or pottery.

But we have standards for each grade level because we are in competition with other countries. And the people who are in charge of making our children competitive on the world playing field are underpaid, under supported, and stretched too thin.

I love Detroit. I couldn't imagine myself teaching anywhere else. I am not in love with any other group of kids the way that I love kids from my city. I feel like no other place needs me. Detroit needs people who believe in the hope of redemption. Detroit needs people like me. But, being here is so hard. Teaching here is so hard. I don't know how people raise families and teach. It blows my mind that it is even possible. Teaching consumes your life. Teaching requires continual self improvement and reflection and tweaking after tweaking after tweaking.

The first year is the hardest. Yeah, I get that. But there are no guarantees that next year will be any easier. Who knows what school I'll be working at, or what grade I will have, or what subjects I will be teaching. ...and for what? A broken system that cannot be fixed? To fix education in this country school must be completely rethought. Teachers will have to be completely retrained. Universities will have to be completely turned around to produce a mass of people ready to tackle injustice like never before. And the public will have to learn to value something that our culture has always valued in speech, but never with action.

This problem is so much bigger than I can even imagine.

I know I can make a difference in Detroit because it all comes down to how you treat people. The biggest impact I can give to my kids is not how much math or science they learn. Kids don't really care about that. Humans don't really care about that. Humans care how they are treated. Now, in education that means meeting kids where they are and genuinely trying to bridge the gap between what they know and what they don't know. But kids won't let you give them knowledge. You have to earn their respect and trust in order for them to allow anything you say to make a difference.

The only problem is with 50 students, 2 hours given by the district to prepare, plan, intervene, and grade a week, and a plethora of learning styles and abilities, it is nearly impossible to reach every kid.

And so I approach the beginning of the 2013 school year much like a hump day morning, staring at the alarm clock in disbelief that it is already time to get out of bed. I am faced with two choices. One-hit snooze, go back to bed, and then just try to make it to the weekend. Or two-suck it up, breathe in deeply and fill my lungs with life so that I have something to work with when I am up to my neck with problems I cannot solve but a heart that will not let me look the other way.

I will not always be a teacher, of that I am sure. But I will be a teacher here in this city for the next 2 1/2 years. The Lord has put me here. The Lord has allowed my heart to be burdened with some of the things that burden his own heart. I have no other choice but to go back to work in Monday with a resolve in my heart to once again treat and teach my students with justice. I must do justly by them. They are what I have been entrusted with. Even though I can't defeat the monster of education, I stare it boldly in the face knowing that somehow I can be a threat.

My God sees. My God hears. He knows better than me what I am up against. He knows that this job is much harder than most anyone supposes. And so I can go back to work rejuvenated, not because anything is solved, but because I trust my Lord. He has not failed me. And I would hate to live each day just hoping for a weekend without responsibilities to waste away my time.

Cheers to hump day, it's a day of forming character from deep within.