Let the Countdown Begin!!!

I am ten weeks away from having my first year of teaching in the bag. Woooo!

This year has been quite a challenge. No one can really prepare you for being a teacher. It is a hands-on job that you can only learn in the field.

I was ready to be a teacher. I was ready to teach in Detroit. I was even ready to teach in a messy district. I really was and it is almost entirely because I had amazing leadership in my life growing up. I was practically raised by teachers. My youth pastors taught me how to lead, love, not make excuses, endure, and stare hard things right in the face. I was taught not to compromise, to do everything with integrity and to evaluate and reevaluate. Spiritually, I was raised by two of Detroit's finest mentors-- themselves being grads of DPS, residents of Detroit and lovers of Jesus. Honestly, if it wasn't for the influence of the Meriweathers in my life I don't think I would have been ready for this job.

In saying that, even though I was ready for it, it has been a tough year.

I have learned many valuable lessons.
1- I hate writing lesson plans!  They are never done. They just hang over your head every second of every day. I mean, once I have them done for one week, I still have to think about the next week and the week after that and the week after that...  It is a stress that doesn't end.
2- I show my emotions on my face. And some days that means I show kids how much they are annoying me. This is definitely my first priority during summer. I've got to develop a classroom management plan that fits me and is proactive in every way.
3- I have a lot left to learn. There are so many areas for me to grow in as a teacher. Better assessments, better use of time, better classroom management, better lessons, better communication with parents.... The list goes on. Usually I am very hard on myself. I have been able to have grace for myself this first year, but you better believe I'm using this summer to make many necessary changes. My kids deserve the best teacher I can be.
4- I'm comfortable in front of a crowd. I love to be goofy with my kids. I love to talk in weird accents and do fun dances. I love to surprise my students so that they listen. I like kids.
5- I really do believe that no child is too far gone. Every student can learn. Every student deserves to learn. Every student is loved and treasured by God, even if they get under my skin. This year I have realized that the grace God has shown me in my sin has helped me to show grace to my students in theirs. And every student NEEDS to know that I love them. They need it so much. They need to know that I am on their side cheering for them. It changes everything!

I've got a long way to go, but I am happy with this year. It hasn't been terrible. It's not a horror story I will have to tell in the future. It has been good. Maybe even great. I've gotten the chance to interact with 150 kids as students. I've gotten the opportunity to love 150 students. And though I haven't done this without fault, I have done it.

And I still have ten weeks left!  Oh, that God would let me ooze with love and grace each of these last 50 days!

One of the most important things I've learned from the Meriweathers is finishing strong. Warriors don't fizzle out near the end of the battle. They know the end is near and so they go hard til the end. (If only more people understood this concept.) I'm not going to slowly fade away during this last stretch. I've been taught better than that.

So let the countdown begin! I've got ten more weeks to do right by my kids and prove they are worth fighting for!

(Thank God for Pinterest!)

Pink Slip

For those of you that are following I decided I would share this information.
On Saturday I came back from a wedding ceremony for a little bit before the reception. Upon arriving home, I opened my mail and found a lovely note from DPS letting me know that, unless recalled, I will be laidoff in a couple weeks.

I broke down. Completely. I couldn't even tell my parents, just had to give the note to my dad. And then everyone in the house came and hugged me, lol.

I'm not worried. I am cautiously optimistic. I don't know what will happen. I texted my principal and her response was "What? Don't worry. Have a good time at the wedding."

Now, I have a very good principal. She tells us all the time that she hand picked this staff purposely. And I've heard from staff that she's kept with her along the years that she doesn't play around when it comes to that kind of decision. I trust that she will do whatever can be done to keep me at her school.

I also trust the Lord. He is sovereign. I did not put this teaching gift inside of me. I did not make my heart love this city as I do. And I did not get this job for myself. All of my experiences and education leading up to this point have been orchestrated by the Lord. I have learned to trust him in all circumstances. I remember the way that he provided for me so tenderly in high school and became my very best friend in the whole world. I know...not from a naive-never-been-through-anything-hard but from a you-were-the-only-one-there-when-I-needed-someone-the-most...that he is faithful and his plans for this life of mine are by far superior to any I can make up on my own.

That being said, I don't know what will happen. I'm not worried...but I am eager to find out if I stay or go...and if I go, then what next.

Well, today at the staff meeting, my principal and assistant principal decided to start handing out "High Flyer" awards to staff who are going above and beyond. I got one. And I'm really glad. I don't like recognition for bragging rights, but I do like recognition...who doesn't?

I hope this means I get to stay. But even if it doesn't, it's good comfort for the time being.

Moving Mountains

I've been telling my students all week that progress reports would be going home today. I stayed up late on Wednesday and Thursday getting grades into the computer and getting the reports ready. I've also been prepping my students because many of them were in for a rude awakening. Sometimes it's really tough being a ten year old student.

Even though I handed out dozens of F's today, I left school feeling like a champion. My kids need help. They have gotten to 5th grade without mastering many math and science concepts they are supposed to know by now. No more. That sort of education cannot continue. I would not be doing my job if it did. I can't ignore the acheivement gap between my highest and lowest students. I have one kid who can't read clocks but perfectly explained to me the process of photosynthesis. I have others that struggle to speak English but can read decimal numbers with the correct vocabulary (78.59 is read seventy eight and fifty nine hundredths). I have a lot of back-tracking to do...but it's okay. Really.

I feel like a champion because I left school today knowing, without a doubt, that my students know that I will help them. My students see me as an advocate. I really feel like I have convinced them that I am here because here is where they are. That's a really good feeling. Even in the midst of failing grades and bad feelings, I looked at my students today and saw faces that trusted me. I've earned trust. That's a big deal.

I've even begun to earn the trust of parents. When parents believe that I am an advocate for their child that changes everything. I have a couple of parents who are involved and who are beginning to trust that I will do my job to the best of my ability. That's cool.

I really enjoy what I am doing. I know I am changing things. Even if it's just this group of kids, it still changes everything. I know that me staying here in Detroit will have ripple effects. Stuff is moving and shaking.  Praise the Lord that it isn't my doing. Jesus began this good work in me and HE is the one who will bring it to completion. He called out the gift of teaching inside of me. He has put me in very unique circumstances where the gift has been fostered and strengthened. I know there is so much more that I need to learn, but it is a good feeling to be content in the middle of the waiting.

Pray for my students. Pray also for me. I feel like I'm up against mountains...good thing my God says that faith can move them!!!

I've taken away Recess

I never thought it would come to this.

Recess is the only bargaining tool that I have.

I've started putting grades into the gradebook and I've found some very disturbing information. Kids are not turning in homework. You'd think I'd realize this every day when I collect homework, right? I collect homework in piles, so I don't ever really know who is turning it in and who isn't. I know now.

One thing that I feel this district has lacked is high standards. So I set high standards for my kids. I told them they will have homework every night. They have to work in my class. It's just not an option. Hard work cannot be an option for students in this district. There is already so much against them. So many of their families are stuck in poverty cycles and aren't able to get out of that. That's got to stop, and as a teacher I can play a key role in teaching kids how to work hard and overcome the things that are in their way.

So recess becomes my time, unfortunately. If they don't turn in homework when it's due, they've still got to do the work. I refuse to let my students settle for D's and F's. They are capable of more. Some of them don't know what they are capable of. Some of them don't believe what they are capable of. Some of them have never been told what they are capable of.

I'll tell them. I'll push them. I'll make them work.

Because I really love them.

Discipline and Love

I have a morning routine like most people. Every day, before leaving for work, I ask my little brother, "Where is my escort?" He says "Right here!" and escorts me to the front door. We exchange our 'good days' and 'good byes' and I walk out to my car. He closes and locks the door behind me.

This morning I woke up to my little brother and sister and boyfriend making waffles. Yum! When I was ready to leave and asked "Where's my escort?" both Zeke and Alex walked me to the front door. Zeke called out as I was walking down the steps, "Discipline, Amy, remember discipline." I said "Okay." Then Alex called out, "Love, Amy, remember love." I said "Okay" and thought how I have been recently reading in the Bible where it talks about discipline is love. Here are 2 examples I've read recently in the book of Proverbs:

Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life,
    but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
    but whoever hates correction is stupid.

I'm reminded of this passage from the book of 1 Corithians when I think about discipline:

If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Discipline is nessacary. That's my job. I have to correct a lot of wrongs: wrong attitudes, wrong answers, wrong behaviors, wrong intentions, wrong procedures...LOTS of wrongs in my day. I have to steer kids toward the right way to respond in different situations, the right way to put the heading on their paper, the right way to work in groups, the right way to pass papers to the teacher, the right way to walk in the hall, the right way to solve an equation, the right way to do many, MANY things.

BUT-discipline without love is FUTILE. It does nothing. Well, I take that back, it does one thing: It makes people angry. Discipline that is not done in love repels people. Doesn't it? Think about a time when you were disciplined by an angry or upset person. It didn't have a positive outcome, did it?

Yesterday was a tough day. I was correcting wrongs all day long. I was completed worn out and so frustrated. My lessons were crap, my teaching was terrible, my attitude was all over the place...it was a rough day. I don't think I was approaching any of the wrongs with love in my heart. The purpose of discipline is to teach the correct behavior. I was just pointing out all of the incorrect behavior.

This morning I got the best reminder from two of my favorite people. Discipline, Amy, remember discipline. Yes, that is my job. A child without discipline will not learn, they will not succeed in the professional world. Yes, I must discipline. I discipline BECAUSE I love. I want my children to succeed. I want my children to know the right way. Becuase discipline is love, it must be done in love, with the attitude of love: with patience and kindness, not in anger, not keeping a record of wrong against a kid, protecting and hoping, and loving even when it's the hardest thing to do.

So, there you have it.

School has been REALLY tough. I'll talk more about that when I have time, but my lunch break is over and I've got a class to discipline and love. :)