It takes a Village...

I'm almost halfway through my commitment to teach in detroitmakesyouhardcore (spell check just turned "Detroit" into "detroitmakesyouhardcore" and I'm not going to change that little bit of awesomeness!) for three years. I don't know what God has planned after that. I may keep teaching, I may not. I'm not concerned with all that jazz right now. 

What I am concerned with is my teaching. Now, I'm not here to whine. But, you must know, it is HARD to be a teacher. Well, correction, to be a teacher who wants to be a good teacher. It is easy to be complacent and shift the blame to hundreds of other factors affecting education. But to be a good teacher really takes a lot of mental, physical, and spiritual effort. 

I am faced with my failure daily. Every day I see how I could have loved more, been more patient, cut out the sarcasm, started with a clean slate with that kid, treated everyone more fairly, smiled more...the list goes on and on. Every day I see how I've mostly taught to the middle group of students without stretching my "A" students and without catering to my special needs students. Every day I can find examples of how I've put my own needs before the needs of my students. 

Teaching is hard when you want to do it right. 

Of course I find joy in my work. Like when I sat Jose next to Samuel and all of a sudden Samuel was inspired to start doing his work again. I would look over and the two boys would be on a mission to help each other understand math. Or the day I finally began to understand one of my autistic kids. He is brilliant. He is hilarious. I think he has his own comedy acts going on in his head because sometimes he can't stop laughing after someone said or did something. I just know he is replaying the incident again and again. I've totally done that (grape stomping video). I really love that kid. I love seeing one of my tough boys becoming more kind and generous, willing to look out for the underdog and stand up for his classmates. Even though it annoys me, I enjoy my kids that are too smart for their own good and pray that their creativity takes them to many successes throughout their lives. I hurt when I hear the mother of two of my girls who has been completely uninvolved is dying of cervical cancer and forcing them to care for her despitet he fact she never taught them what to care for someone else looks like. I hurt when I notice sexual bondage already taking hold of my boys. I hurt when my students don't have parents and are begging so much for love that they resort to physically harming their own bodies because the pain they feel is just too much. 

...but half the time I forget all of this in the day to day struggle of teaching. Keeping up with the pacing chart and making sure kids understand the convection currents that cause wind becomes the fore front focus of my life. 

But there was that one time that Jesus spoke to the winds and the waves to be quiet... Peace! He said. Be still!

It takes a village to raise a child. We've all heard that phrase and nodded in agreement, "true, true," we've said and then went along with out day. Well today I am asking you to not move on in your day until you do me a favor. Pray for me. Ask that I would be full of joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness and self-control. Ask that I would see what Jesus sees and love my kids fully. Pray for the 140 seventh grade students that I teach. Ask that they would find peace, safety, and comfort in my classroom. Ask that they would be valued, respected, and loved in my classroom. Ask that as they learn science they would come to know just how amazing God the Creator is. 

I have one more request. It takes a village to raise a child. Will you commit to pray for me and my classroom? Many days I feel the need for an entire village to be in my classroom with me, at my side, helping me give these kids life. Your prayers would mean more than I can express. 

Pink Slip

For those of you that are following I decided I would share this information.
On Saturday I came back from a wedding ceremony for a little bit before the reception. Upon arriving home, I opened my mail and found a lovely note from DPS letting me know that, unless recalled, I will be laidoff in a couple weeks.

I broke down. Completely. I couldn't even tell my parents, just had to give the note to my dad. And then everyone in the house came and hugged me, lol.

I'm not worried. I am cautiously optimistic. I don't know what will happen. I texted my principal and her response was "What? Don't worry. Have a good time at the wedding."

Now, I have a very good principal. She tells us all the time that she hand picked this staff purposely. And I've heard from staff that she's kept with her along the years that she doesn't play around when it comes to that kind of decision. I trust that she will do whatever can be done to keep me at her school.

I also trust the Lord. He is sovereign. I did not put this teaching gift inside of me. I did not make my heart love this city as I do. And I did not get this job for myself. All of my experiences and education leading up to this point have been orchestrated by the Lord. I have learned to trust him in all circumstances. I remember the way that he provided for me so tenderly in high school and became my very best friend in the whole world. I know...not from a naive-never-been-through-anything-hard but from a you-were-the-only-one-there-when-I-needed-someone-the-most...that he is faithful and his plans for this life of mine are by far superior to any I can make up on my own.

That being said, I don't know what will happen. I'm not worried...but I am eager to find out if I stay or go...and if I go, then what next.

Well, today at the staff meeting, my principal and assistant principal decided to start handing out "High Flyer" awards to staff who are going above and beyond. I got one. And I'm really glad. I don't like recognition for bragging rights, but I do like recognition...who doesn't?

I hope this means I get to stay. But even if it doesn't, it's good comfort for the time being.

Don't Take This Personal

Are you kidding me?
EVERYTHING about this job is personal. EVERYTHING.

My heart IS Detroit. They are one in the same. They cannot be separated.

Can't read? I take that personally.
Can't write? I take that personally.
Can't explain answers? I take that personally.
Can't do math you were already supposed to know? I take that personally.
Don't do homework? I take that personally.

People look at Detroit and see death. I look at Detroit and have only ever been able to see life. I see life everywhere. I see it in the hunger. People are so hungry here. It is hunger that drives addiction, neglect, abuse, and the need to be accepted, to belong. There is life in hunger. People who are fighting hunger do so because they want to live. There is life here.

There is also oppression, fatherlessness, and poverty that viciously cycles. Yeah, I see all of that, too. And I take it personally. Detroit IS my heart. How can I not take the pain personal? I see my city how it is. I see the destruction and devastation. I see the drug addicts and the torched houses. I see the camera crews on the corner of the last shooting. I see the girls walking the street. I see the trash-littered neighborhoods.

But my heart, my heart sees the life, it sees the "what-ifs" and "could bes." I see restoration. I see redemption. I see a city rebuilt. I see everything made new.

Until everyone sees what my heart sees, I will continue to take all of the pain personal. I'm a teacher on purpose. I'm trying to change this city. Not because I think I can, but because I know I was called. I was called to teach---here---in this place, where life is so hard for others to see. And in the midst of me teaching I continue to fight. I have to wage war against illiteracy. I have to wage war against laziness. I have to wage war against anything that suggests compromise. My heart cannot let these things happen to my city, but when they do, I can feel the pain on the inside. How can I not take this personally?

This is my anchor right now:
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-the Lord, who remains faithful forever. He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the plan of the wicked. 
Psalm 146

Moving Mountains

I've been telling my students all week that progress reports would be going home today. I stayed up late on Wednesday and Thursday getting grades into the computer and getting the reports ready. I've also been prepping my students because many of them were in for a rude awakening. Sometimes it's really tough being a ten year old student.

Even though I handed out dozens of F's today, I left school feeling like a champion. My kids need help. They have gotten to 5th grade without mastering many math and science concepts they are supposed to know by now. No more. That sort of education cannot continue. I would not be doing my job if it did. I can't ignore the acheivement gap between my highest and lowest students. I have one kid who can't read clocks but perfectly explained to me the process of photosynthesis. I have others that struggle to speak English but can read decimal numbers with the correct vocabulary (78.59 is read seventy eight and fifty nine hundredths). I have a lot of back-tracking to do...but it's okay. Really.

I feel like a champion because I left school today knowing, without a doubt, that my students know that I will help them. My students see me as an advocate. I really feel like I have convinced them that I am here because here is where they are. That's a really good feeling. Even in the midst of failing grades and bad feelings, I looked at my students today and saw faces that trusted me. I've earned trust. That's a big deal.

I've even begun to earn the trust of parents. When parents believe that I am an advocate for their child that changes everything. I have a couple of parents who are involved and who are beginning to trust that I will do my job to the best of my ability. That's cool.

I really enjoy what I am doing. I know I am changing things. Even if it's just this group of kids, it still changes everything. I know that me staying here in Detroit will have ripple effects. Stuff is moving and shaking.  Praise the Lord that it isn't my doing. Jesus began this good work in me and HE is the one who will bring it to completion. He called out the gift of teaching inside of me. He has put me in very unique circumstances where the gift has been fostered and strengthened. I know there is so much more that I need to learn, but it is a good feeling to be content in the middle of the waiting.

Pray for my students. Pray also for me. I feel like I'm up against mountains...good thing my God says that faith can move them!!!

Out of the Ashes

Did you know that in 1805 Detroit burnt to the ground? Well, it did. There's a plaque on the red bridge at Belle Isle where I first saw the city seal of Detroit. This is what it says:

Speramus meliora; resurget cineribus

It's the motto of the city that Father Gabriel Richard gave it after his school was burned down. In English it is translated

"We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes."

Come on!!! If that's not prophetic, I don't know what is.

My heart was stirred on that red bridge at Belle Isle. I never knew Detroit had literally rose out of the ashes before. And if the Lord has allowed us to do it before, perhaps He will allow us to do it again.

I've been in professional development sessions since Monday. I want to share some things I've learned about Detroit Public Schools and the people who carry it on their backs. And I must tell you, I've been close to crying on many occasions in the past couple days because I am not alone in daring to believe that Detroit is not done.

On Monday my principal shared some words concerning the culture of the school I am working in. There is no tolerance for complacency or a lack of excellence in educating kids. This was the first time I heard a principal LEAD their staff in demanding excellence and nothing less.

On Tuesday I sat and listened as Alycia Meriweather (a life long mentor of mine AND the director of math and science for DPS) challenged teachers to raise their standards and expectations. She shared that she would not be in DPS if she didn't firmly believe that we can turn it all around. She called for integrity in all that we do and said that nothing less would be acceptable.

Today I sat in a room full of staff as all DPS tuned in to a live web stream of the Salute to Teachers. Mr. Roy Roberts stood in front of a full audience and explained that Detroit will once again be the leader in urban education in America. Then I listened as my assistant principal spoke on why he continues to work for DPS. He sees the struggle and he feels the pressure of the nation looking on. And while he could choose to live in a more comfortable neighborhood and work for a more affluent district and not have to put up with safety issues, management concerns, pay cuts, etc... he CHOOSES to stay in the city. Why? Because he is willing to be a forerunner in the building up of something great. He has no passion to fit into something that has already been built. He is consumed with Detroit because Detroit needs builders, no matter what the cost, and he's a man willing to pay up.

As I've been listening to all of this my heart keeps stirring within me and one phrase keeps resounding in my head: I will rise out of these ashes. Rise.

A couple months back I was singing and praying and this chorus came to me:
A city on it's knees/ Heart after me/ This is how you rise

People have a lot of bad things to say about Detroit and especially about education in Detroit. My response for years has been that Detroit has a lot of praying churches and God's heart has always been for restoration, redemption, and justice. Every single day that I've been in PD I have not failed to hear my God's name mentioned. When asked if they could choose one person living or dead to be on their personal board of directors, half a dozen of the staff in my building chose their pastors or Jesus himself. While sitting in a PD for new science teachers, the session leader shared that true religion is to take care of the widows and orphans, the fatherless and oppressed. Well that's just plain scripture. And today as Roy Roberts spoke he said that 2 things were crucial to the ending of slavery: the church and education, and that the church of Detroit would not be left out of partnering with the schools to change this city around.

I know for sure that I am not the only Detroiter singing on the inside RISE UP.
A city on it's knees ~ prayer warriors, seeking the Lord's heart
Heart after me ~ willing to pay the price to look like Jesus himself
This is how you rise ~ out of the ashes, here we come

So what I'm trying to say is that while I'm very sober about the job ahead of me, I am so encouraged because the Lord has put his people here on purpose. It is so clear and evident to me when I look around and listen to what the leadership is saying. I dare to believe that the Lord is not done and that Detroit will rise again.

You know you're a teacher when...

You know you're a teacher when...

• You repeat any direction 5 times in 3 different ways and then repeat it 13 more times over the course of an hour
• You get to school a 1/2 hour before anyone else so you can use the copy machine before it's broke for the day
• You ignore kids when they walk up to you and wait for them to sit back down
• You respond to multiple pronunciations of your name without correcting any of them
• You hate assemblies and school concerts because they put you behind the pacing chart
• You can cover the entire history of the War of 1812 in one 45 minute lesson
• You say no to anyone who asks to get a drink or go to the bathroom
• You ask if anyone has questions and then re-ask the kid you are about to call on if it is a question or a story
• You despise extra curricular activities that pull your students out of class while you are teaching
• You wake up and randomly count the days until the soonest break (Friday, MLK day, 1/2 day, etc.)
• You thoroughly love what you do and the students you teach but no one else can make you so annoyed or frustrated in such a short period of time

Learning should be an Adventure

That's what I learned today. I've been planning and teaching social studies all week. I don't know if it's the language barrier or if my kids just take longer to learn things than other children. But, I spent 2 days teaching Michigan's lower and upper peninsulas, and the concept of cities, states, countries, and continents. And even still today I had kids tell me that Detroit was a continent. Oh boy...

Yesterday I was a little frustrated with all of the talking all day long and I portrayed that in the way that I taught. I felt as if I went into the lesson on the defensive. "Jose, turn around. Yahir, stop talking. Amarangie, what is in your hand? Put it down! Bryan, stop making noises." That's basically how I talked to the kids for an entire lesson. And it wore me out. I didn't want to do that again today.

Today, we became expert map readers! It went a little something like this:

Boys and girls, you didn't know it, but all week long I've been training you to be expert map readers. You know all about Michigan and now it's time to go even bigger. Today, boys and girls, we are going to become such expert map readers that we will be able to look at any map and know exactly what it means...

And that's how it went. I feel that it was much more affirmational of the skills that my students already possessed. And not only did my students feel affirmed, they felt invited on an adventure with me.

You see, when it comes to 2 o'clock in the afternoon, kids are tired of learning. And social studies was always the subject I appointed to take naps during. (Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time teaching it!) But as soon as I approached the classroom with a fresh, positive attitude and a hint of mystery, it seemed that they responded very well to it.

The only drawback though is that I still have to hold their hands while going through lessons. I have to not only model, but model step by step. There has got to be a way to wean students off of needed so much help. They are only 8, but next year is 4th grade, and they don't get their hand held through the lessons in 4th grade. I want to teach them to think critically, but at this point they just don't seem ready for it yet.

I hope it comes soon.