It takes a Village...

I'm almost halfway through my commitment to teach in detroitmakesyouhardcore (spell check just turned "Detroit" into "detroitmakesyouhardcore" and I'm not going to change that little bit of awesomeness!) for three years. I don't know what God has planned after that. I may keep teaching, I may not. I'm not concerned with all that jazz right now. 

What I am concerned with is my teaching. Now, I'm not here to whine. But, you must know, it is HARD to be a teacher. Well, correction, to be a teacher who wants to be a good teacher. It is easy to be complacent and shift the blame to hundreds of other factors affecting education. But to be a good teacher really takes a lot of mental, physical, and spiritual effort. 

I am faced with my failure daily. Every day I see how I could have loved more, been more patient, cut out the sarcasm, started with a clean slate with that kid, treated everyone more fairly, smiled more...the list goes on and on. Every day I see how I've mostly taught to the middle group of students without stretching my "A" students and without catering to my special needs students. Every day I can find examples of how I've put my own needs before the needs of my students. 

Teaching is hard when you want to do it right. 

Of course I find joy in my work. Like when I sat Jose next to Samuel and all of a sudden Samuel was inspired to start doing his work again. I would look over and the two boys would be on a mission to help each other understand math. Or the day I finally began to understand one of my autistic kids. He is brilliant. He is hilarious. I think he has his own comedy acts going on in his head because sometimes he can't stop laughing after someone said or did something. I just know he is replaying the incident again and again. I've totally done that (grape stomping video). I really love that kid. I love seeing one of my tough boys becoming more kind and generous, willing to look out for the underdog and stand up for his classmates. Even though it annoys me, I enjoy my kids that are too smart for their own good and pray that their creativity takes them to many successes throughout their lives. I hurt when I hear the mother of two of my girls who has been completely uninvolved is dying of cervical cancer and forcing them to care for her despitet he fact she never taught them what to care for someone else looks like. I hurt when I notice sexual bondage already taking hold of my boys. I hurt when my students don't have parents and are begging so much for love that they resort to physically harming their own bodies because the pain they feel is just too much. 

...but half the time I forget all of this in the day to day struggle of teaching. Keeping up with the pacing chart and making sure kids understand the convection currents that cause wind becomes the fore front focus of my life. 

But there was that one time that Jesus spoke to the winds and the waves to be quiet... Peace! He said. Be still!

It takes a village to raise a child. We've all heard that phrase and nodded in agreement, "true, true," we've said and then went along with out day. Well today I am asking you to not move on in your day until you do me a favor. Pray for me. Ask that I would be full of joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness and self-control. Ask that I would see what Jesus sees and love my kids fully. Pray for the 140 seventh grade students that I teach. Ask that they would find peace, safety, and comfort in my classroom. Ask that they would be valued, respected, and loved in my classroom. Ask that as they learn science they would come to know just how amazing God the Creator is. 

I have one more request. It takes a village to raise a child. Will you commit to pray for me and my classroom? Many days I feel the need for an entire village to be in my classroom with me, at my side, helping me give these kids life. Your prayers would mean more than I can express. 

Let the Countdown Begin!!!

I am ten weeks away from having my first year of teaching in the bag. Woooo!

This year has been quite a challenge. No one can really prepare you for being a teacher. It is a hands-on job that you can only learn in the field.

I was ready to be a teacher. I was ready to teach in Detroit. I was even ready to teach in a messy district. I really was and it is almost entirely because I had amazing leadership in my life growing up. I was practically raised by teachers. My youth pastors taught me how to lead, love, not make excuses, endure, and stare hard things right in the face. I was taught not to compromise, to do everything with integrity and to evaluate and reevaluate. Spiritually, I was raised by two of Detroit's finest mentors-- themselves being grads of DPS, residents of Detroit and lovers of Jesus. Honestly, if it wasn't for the influence of the Meriweathers in my life I don't think I would have been ready for this job.

In saying that, even though I was ready for it, it has been a tough year.

I have learned many valuable lessons.
1- I hate writing lesson plans!  They are never done. They just hang over your head every second of every day. I mean, once I have them done for one week, I still have to think about the next week and the week after that and the week after that...  It is a stress that doesn't end.
2- I show my emotions on my face. And some days that means I show kids how much they are annoying me. This is definitely my first priority during summer. I've got to develop a classroom management plan that fits me and is proactive in every way.
3- I have a lot left to learn. There are so many areas for me to grow in as a teacher. Better assessments, better use of time, better classroom management, better lessons, better communication with parents.... The list goes on. Usually I am very hard on myself. I have been able to have grace for myself this first year, but you better believe I'm using this summer to make many necessary changes. My kids deserve the best teacher I can be.
4- I'm comfortable in front of a crowd. I love to be goofy with my kids. I love to talk in weird accents and do fun dances. I love to surprise my students so that they listen. I like kids.
5- I really do believe that no child is too far gone. Every student can learn. Every student deserves to learn. Every student is loved and treasured by God, even if they get under my skin. This year I have realized that the grace God has shown me in my sin has helped me to show grace to my students in theirs. And every student NEEDS to know that I love them. They need it so much. They need to know that I am on their side cheering for them. It changes everything!

I've got a long way to go, but I am happy with this year. It hasn't been terrible. It's not a horror story I will have to tell in the future. It has been good. Maybe even great. I've gotten the chance to interact with 150 kids as students. I've gotten the opportunity to love 150 students. And though I haven't done this without fault, I have done it.

And I still have ten weeks left!  Oh, that God would let me ooze with love and grace each of these last 50 days!

One of the most important things I've learned from the Meriweathers is finishing strong. Warriors don't fizzle out near the end of the battle. They know the end is near and so they go hard til the end. (If only more people understood this concept.) I'm not going to slowly fade away during this last stretch. I've been taught better than that.

So let the countdown begin! I've got ten more weeks to do right by my kids and prove they are worth fighting for!

(Thank God for Pinterest!)

Pink Slip

For those of you that are following I decided I would share this information.
On Saturday I came back from a wedding ceremony for a little bit before the reception. Upon arriving home, I opened my mail and found a lovely note from DPS letting me know that, unless recalled, I will be laidoff in a couple weeks.

I broke down. Completely. I couldn't even tell my parents, just had to give the note to my dad. And then everyone in the house came and hugged me, lol.

I'm not worried. I am cautiously optimistic. I don't know what will happen. I texted my principal and her response was "What? Don't worry. Have a good time at the wedding."

Now, I have a very good principal. She tells us all the time that she hand picked this staff purposely. And I've heard from staff that she's kept with her along the years that she doesn't play around when it comes to that kind of decision. I trust that she will do whatever can be done to keep me at her school.

I also trust the Lord. He is sovereign. I did not put this teaching gift inside of me. I did not make my heart love this city as I do. And I did not get this job for myself. All of my experiences and education leading up to this point have been orchestrated by the Lord. I have learned to trust him in all circumstances. I remember the way that he provided for me so tenderly in high school and became my very best friend in the whole world. I know...not from a naive-never-been-through-anything-hard but from a you-were-the-only-one-there-when-I-needed-someone-the-most...that he is faithful and his plans for this life of mine are by far superior to any I can make up on my own.

That being said, I don't know what will happen. I'm not worried...but I am eager to find out if I stay or go...and if I go, then what next.

Well, today at the staff meeting, my principal and assistant principal decided to start handing out "High Flyer" awards to staff who are going above and beyond. I got one. And I'm really glad. I don't like recognition for bragging rights, but I do like recognition...who doesn't?

I hope this means I get to stay. But even if it doesn't, it's good comfort for the time being.

Don't Take This Personal

Are you kidding me?
EVERYTHING about this job is personal. EVERYTHING.

My heart IS Detroit. They are one in the same. They cannot be separated.

Can't read? I take that personally.
Can't write? I take that personally.
Can't explain answers? I take that personally.
Can't do math you were already supposed to know? I take that personally.
Don't do homework? I take that personally.

People look at Detroit and see death. I look at Detroit and have only ever been able to see life. I see life everywhere. I see it in the hunger. People are so hungry here. It is hunger that drives addiction, neglect, abuse, and the need to be accepted, to belong. There is life in hunger. People who are fighting hunger do so because they want to live. There is life here.

There is also oppression, fatherlessness, and poverty that viciously cycles. Yeah, I see all of that, too. And I take it personally. Detroit IS my heart. How can I not take the pain personal? I see my city how it is. I see the destruction and devastation. I see the drug addicts and the torched houses. I see the camera crews on the corner of the last shooting. I see the girls walking the street. I see the trash-littered neighborhoods.

But my heart, my heart sees the life, it sees the "what-ifs" and "could bes." I see restoration. I see redemption. I see a city rebuilt. I see everything made new.

Until everyone sees what my heart sees, I will continue to take all of the pain personal. I'm a teacher on purpose. I'm trying to change this city. Not because I think I can, but because I know I was called. I was called to teach---here---in this place, where life is so hard for others to see. And in the midst of me teaching I continue to fight. I have to wage war against illiteracy. I have to wage war against laziness. I have to wage war against anything that suggests compromise. My heart cannot let these things happen to my city, but when they do, I can feel the pain on the inside. How can I not take this personally?

This is my anchor right now:
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-the Lord, who remains faithful forever. He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the plan of the wicked. 
Psalm 146