Pink Slip

For those of you that are following I decided I would share this information.
On Saturday I came back from a wedding ceremony for a little bit before the reception. Upon arriving home, I opened my mail and found a lovely note from DPS letting me know that, unless recalled, I will be laidoff in a couple weeks.

I broke down. Completely. I couldn't even tell my parents, just had to give the note to my dad. And then everyone in the house came and hugged me, lol.

I'm not worried. I am cautiously optimistic. I don't know what will happen. I texted my principal and her response was "What? Don't worry. Have a good time at the wedding."

Now, I have a very good principal. She tells us all the time that she hand picked this staff purposely. And I've heard from staff that she's kept with her along the years that she doesn't play around when it comes to that kind of decision. I trust that she will do whatever can be done to keep me at her school.

I also trust the Lord. He is sovereign. I did not put this teaching gift inside of me. I did not make my heart love this city as I do. And I did not get this job for myself. All of my experiences and education leading up to this point have been orchestrated by the Lord. I have learned to trust him in all circumstances. I remember the way that he provided for me so tenderly in high school and became my very best friend in the whole world. I know...not from a naive-never-been-through-anything-hard but from a you-were-the-only-one-there-when-I-needed-someone-the-most...that he is faithful and his plans for this life of mine are by far superior to any I can make up on my own.

That being said, I don't know what will happen. I'm not worried...but I am eager to find out if I stay or go...and if I go, then what next.

Well, today at the staff meeting, my principal and assistant principal decided to start handing out "High Flyer" awards to staff who are going above and beyond. I got one. And I'm really glad. I don't like recognition for bragging rights, but I do like recognition...who doesn't?

I hope this means I get to stay. But even if it doesn't, it's good comfort for the time being.

Ok, so what if the earth was...

Our science curriculum starts with seasons. I don't think I could've been luckier. I love teaching seasons because kids have so many questions about the earth when it comes to seasons.

We've been doing models and dances to explore the motion of the earth around the sun. I have the North Star on one of the classroom walls. We all stand up by our chair and grab our hands over our heads to make our axis. Then we tilt toward Polaris. Next we start to rotate. And finally we keep all of that going revolve around our sun (the chairs). I had one adorable boy continue to tilt his "axis" toward Polaris even when we left the classroom for bathroom and recess. I'll have to get a pic or video of our dance.

Today I used a website today to further illustrate the importance of the earth's tilt, the angle of the sun and how they relate to temperature and hours of daylight. (Go here for the goods.) My kids LOVED it. They were asking so many questions.
"So what would happen if we didn't rotate?"
"So what would happen if our axis was titled this way?"
"So what would happen if we revolved backwards?"

It was an exciting day for seasons to say the least. Afterwards, kids began to answer "What effect does a tilted axis have on our seasons? in table groups. Brilliant answers at the end of the day make my heart warm and fuzzy. One kid wrote that if we had a straight axis then we would have the same season all year round. Another kid explained that when we the earth's tilt is pointing toward the sun then we have summer because the angle of the sunlight in the Northern Hemisphere is closer to 90 degrees. What brilliant children!

I've been needing a day like this.

Also, my principal made two shout-outs to me this week. One for tutoring without regard for pay (I tutor 2 days a week after school) and another for being the only employee, who attended a specific workshop, that shared some of the resources with my principal.

On to other news, yesterday I got a new student who only speaks Spanish. Only. I'm used to EL students...but the emphasis is learner. This poor girl doesn't understand anything I say. So I paired her up with a bilingual student who is repeating the 5th grade. I'm confident both of them will benefit from the experience. My new girl will have a translation and my bilingual girl will be responsible for reteaching the material. It's a win-win for everyone.

Let's see...what else? Oh, if you'd like to support my classroom, we are in need of personal white boards for quick formative assessments. You can donate towards this project at donorschoose.org/ostroski make sure to enter the match code PUMPKIN to instantly double your donation at no extra cost to you! Don't hold off too long though, the match code is only valid until October 15th.

Blessings to you all. <3 AmyO

Don't Take This Personal

Are you kidding me?
EVERYTHING about this job is personal. EVERYTHING.

My heart IS Detroit. They are one in the same. They cannot be separated.

Can't read? I take that personally.
Can't write? I take that personally.
Can't explain answers? I take that personally.
Can't do math you were already supposed to know? I take that personally.
Don't do homework? I take that personally.

People look at Detroit and see death. I look at Detroit and have only ever been able to see life. I see life everywhere. I see it in the hunger. People are so hungry here. It is hunger that drives addiction, neglect, abuse, and the need to be accepted, to belong. There is life in hunger. People who are fighting hunger do so because they want to live. There is life here.

There is also oppression, fatherlessness, and poverty that viciously cycles. Yeah, I see all of that, too. And I take it personally. Detroit IS my heart. How can I not take the pain personal? I see my city how it is. I see the destruction and devastation. I see the drug addicts and the torched houses. I see the camera crews on the corner of the last shooting. I see the girls walking the street. I see the trash-littered neighborhoods.

But my heart, my heart sees the life, it sees the "what-ifs" and "could bes." I see restoration. I see redemption. I see a city rebuilt. I see everything made new.

Until everyone sees what my heart sees, I will continue to take all of the pain personal. I'm a teacher on purpose. I'm trying to change this city. Not because I think I can, but because I know I was called. I was called to teach---here---in this place, where life is so hard for others to see. And in the midst of me teaching I continue to fight. I have to wage war against illiteracy. I have to wage war against laziness. I have to wage war against anything that suggests compromise. My heart cannot let these things happen to my city, but when they do, I can feel the pain on the inside. How can I not take this personally?

This is my anchor right now:
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-the Lord, who remains faithful forever. He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the plan of the wicked. 
Psalm 146

Moving Mountains

I've been telling my students all week that progress reports would be going home today. I stayed up late on Wednesday and Thursday getting grades into the computer and getting the reports ready. I've also been prepping my students because many of them were in for a rude awakening. Sometimes it's really tough being a ten year old student.

Even though I handed out dozens of F's today, I left school feeling like a champion. My kids need help. They have gotten to 5th grade without mastering many math and science concepts they are supposed to know by now. No more. That sort of education cannot continue. I would not be doing my job if it did. I can't ignore the acheivement gap between my highest and lowest students. I have one kid who can't read clocks but perfectly explained to me the process of photosynthesis. I have others that struggle to speak English but can read decimal numbers with the correct vocabulary (78.59 is read seventy eight and fifty nine hundredths). I have a lot of back-tracking to do...but it's okay. Really.

I feel like a champion because I left school today knowing, without a doubt, that my students know that I will help them. My students see me as an advocate. I really feel like I have convinced them that I am here because here is where they are. That's a really good feeling. Even in the midst of failing grades and bad feelings, I looked at my students today and saw faces that trusted me. I've earned trust. That's a big deal.

I've even begun to earn the trust of parents. When parents believe that I am an advocate for their child that changes everything. I have a couple of parents who are involved and who are beginning to trust that I will do my job to the best of my ability. That's cool.

I really enjoy what I am doing. I know I am changing things. Even if it's just this group of kids, it still changes everything. I know that me staying here in Detroit will have ripple effects. Stuff is moving and shaking.  Praise the Lord that it isn't my doing. Jesus began this good work in me and HE is the one who will bring it to completion. He called out the gift of teaching inside of me. He has put me in very unique circumstances where the gift has been fostered and strengthened. I know there is so much more that I need to learn, but it is a good feeling to be content in the middle of the waiting.

Pray for my students. Pray also for me. I feel like I'm up against mountains...good thing my God says that faith can move them!!!

I've taken away Recess

I never thought it would come to this.

Recess is the only bargaining tool that I have.

I've started putting grades into the gradebook and I've found some very disturbing information. Kids are not turning in homework. You'd think I'd realize this every day when I collect homework, right? I collect homework in piles, so I don't ever really know who is turning it in and who isn't. I know now.

One thing that I feel this district has lacked is high standards. So I set high standards for my kids. I told them they will have homework every night. They have to work in my class. It's just not an option. Hard work cannot be an option for students in this district. There is already so much against them. So many of their families are stuck in poverty cycles and aren't able to get out of that. That's got to stop, and as a teacher I can play a key role in teaching kids how to work hard and overcome the things that are in their way.

So recess becomes my time, unfortunately. If they don't turn in homework when it's due, they've still got to do the work. I refuse to let my students settle for D's and F's. They are capable of more. Some of them don't know what they are capable of. Some of them don't believe what they are capable of. Some of them have never been told what they are capable of.

I'll tell them. I'll push them. I'll make them work.

Because I really love them.

2 week Update

These past 2 weeks have been some of the most difficult weeks of my life. Probably the most difficult weeks of my life. I've cried, I've laughed, I've worked and worked and worked, and still there is so much more work to be done.

I don't even know where to start explaining what these past 2 weeks have been like.

I have 2 classes, one before lunch and one after lunch. I'm responsible for preparing each class for the science and math portions of the MEAP. The only math I've ever taught is 3rd grade math. I have almost zero experience teaching science.

I LIKE teaching science. I guess I always knew I would. I don't totally understand science. Physics almost killed me in college. But I've always enjoyed my science classes. For some reason it's what I decided to major in. So far, I've had the most teaching support in science. The district has key concepts that should be reviewed AND lesson plans for how to review them. There are experiments already written out with focus questions, homework, and extension activities. At this point, I feel like I'll make a good science teacher.

I do NOT like teaching math. And I ALWAYS knew I never would. I really could have majored in math, science or english as a teacher. I didn't choose english because I figured it wouldn't be the best career choice. I didn't choose math because I never wanted to teach it. Math always came naturally to me. I never had to think very hard. When I saw how numbers were plugged in to an equation, I got it right away. I was never excited about doing math. I was never happy that I understood it, I just wanted to make sure I kept my straight A's. I didn't have to study hard because I didn't care about being the best in the class, just about doing enough to get my A. Math was the first subject I wanted to give back to my mentor teacher last year. And now, I get to teach it...forever! And unlike science, the math department doesn't have any figured out foci for the math MEAP or review or anything helpful except for a lame pacing chart.

We just got a math instructional specialist/coach in our building. She came in yesterday and didn't say a word. Just sat in my room for a little bit and then left. Today she did the same thing. Except she stayed for a really long time. Why couldn't she have come when I was doing science???? My kids were pairing and sharing, they were watching videos of Olympic sports and telling me how gravity and friction affected the sports, they were engaged, and my teaching was good. Nope. She came during math. The one thing I wish I never had to teach. At least today she spoke to me and said that she is preparing some resources for MEAP review. That's nice. But I will probably still cry tonight because of all this stupid pressure to turn a failing district into an exemplar district overnight.

That's the one thing about my school. It's totally "fend for yourself...or die." Lol. And it's tough. It's really tough.

Even with all that said, this doesn't even sum up what the last 2 weeks have been like. And I have no real way to put it into words. I love my kids. They make me laugh. I was supposed to have a quiz ready for them last Monday but I forgot to do that over the weekend. I told them it was because my weekend was so full of fun things to do and I promised them that I will have no more fun weekends so that they could have fun taking quizzes. Yesterday I mentioned that they will have a quiz on Monday and without missing a beat one of my students blurts out "Please enjoy your weekend!" It made me and the whole class laugh. It was good. I haven't really laughed in school for a while.


I have a handful of kids that are way behind. I don't know who let them pass 4th grade. There are a few that I think may have some legitimate learning disabilities. So I need to see what the process is for documenting and setting up interviews with the student's parents to look into testing.

Overall, it's the system that is overwhelming me. It's a lot to deal with all on your own. And it does feel like I'm all on my own in teaching these kids. But it's magnifying my need for God. "Blessed are the poor in spirit..." I can feel the lack inside. I can feel my need for more of God. This job is way bigger than me. It's way bigger than all of the teachers and administrators combined. It goes beyond education into all sorts of other issues: poverty, healthiness, stability, families, addictions...the list goes on and on. I like when I can feel my need, to know that I am in need, to know that there is One who can provide when no one else can.

"...for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven." And there's the hope, that one day all of this worn out world will pass away and my Jesus will come on the clouds. He will end injustice once and for ever more. There will be no poverty, no pain, no sickness, no addictions, no broken families. There will be Heaven. And Jesus will establish His kingdom and His government will know no end. If something is good, it grows. If something is healthy, it grows. His government will be good. It will be healthy. It will be complete and lacking in nothing. Right now I'm just working with broken systems. But my Jesus will come, and he will restore all that has been lost. And so right now as I feel my need, I know my lack, and I see this problem in education and Detroit-I cling to the One who can make it all right and ask that He would come and be my support. God knows all about elementary education. He knows all about getting students engaged. He knows how to teach.

I gotta go.

Discipline and Love

I have a morning routine like most people. Every day, before leaving for work, I ask my little brother, "Where is my escort?" He says "Right here!" and escorts me to the front door. We exchange our 'good days' and 'good byes' and I walk out to my car. He closes and locks the door behind me.

This morning I woke up to my little brother and sister and boyfriend making waffles. Yum! When I was ready to leave and asked "Where's my escort?" both Zeke and Alex walked me to the front door. Zeke called out as I was walking down the steps, "Discipline, Amy, remember discipline." I said "Okay." Then Alex called out, "Love, Amy, remember love." I said "Okay" and thought how I have been recently reading in the Bible where it talks about discipline is love. Here are 2 examples I've read recently in the book of Proverbs:

Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life,
    but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
    but whoever hates correction is stupid.

I'm reminded of this passage from the book of 1 Corithians when I think about discipline:

If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Discipline is nessacary. That's my job. I have to correct a lot of wrongs: wrong attitudes, wrong answers, wrong behaviors, wrong intentions, wrong procedures...LOTS of wrongs in my day. I have to steer kids toward the right way to respond in different situations, the right way to put the heading on their paper, the right way to work in groups, the right way to pass papers to the teacher, the right way to walk in the hall, the right way to solve an equation, the right way to do many, MANY things.

BUT-discipline without love is FUTILE. It does nothing. Well, I take that back, it does one thing: It makes people angry. Discipline that is not done in love repels people. Doesn't it? Think about a time when you were disciplined by an angry or upset person. It didn't have a positive outcome, did it?

Yesterday was a tough day. I was correcting wrongs all day long. I was completed worn out and so frustrated. My lessons were crap, my teaching was terrible, my attitude was all over the place...it was a rough day. I don't think I was approaching any of the wrongs with love in my heart. The purpose of discipline is to teach the correct behavior. I was just pointing out all of the incorrect behavior.

This morning I got the best reminder from two of my favorite people. Discipline, Amy, remember discipline. Yes, that is my job. A child without discipline will not learn, they will not succeed in the professional world. Yes, I must discipline. I discipline BECAUSE I love. I want my children to succeed. I want my children to know the right way. Becuase discipline is love, it must be done in love, with the attitude of love: with patience and kindness, not in anger, not keeping a record of wrong against a kid, protecting and hoping, and loving even when it's the hardest thing to do.

So, there you have it.

School has been REALLY tough. I'll talk more about that when I have time, but my lunch break is over and I've got a class to discipline and love. :)