November Update

I couldn't think of a creative title. Maybe I will by the end of this post.

Well, I still have my job...for now. The layoff was rescinded. However, my principal announced at our meeting last Wednesday that she does have to let go of one staff person. She didn't say who. And she hasn't talked to me. So, here's hoping that I get to stay.

Donorschoose has been such an amazing gift this year. Things that I don't have the money to buy but really need in my classroom have been supplied through the donations of friends, family, and strangers. It's been absolutely wonderful. I finally have a real pencil sharpener in my class! We were using a small hand-held metal sharpener before that. It is amazing how a classroom can change with a real pencil sharpener! From hand sanitizer, kleenex, paper towels to construction paper, markers, crayons, scissors, Donorschoose has made a way for me to be able to function in this confusing district! And, I've applied and been accepted for a grant to get a classroom pet. We are going to get a bearded dragon. My kids are super excited. I might even be more excited than them. I can't wait to get the supplies for it!

Report cards went home last week. Luckily, students did get a lot of their grades up so I didn't have to give as many F's as I gave on progress reports.

Treating everyone fairly is still a challenge. Some of the kids just get me so irritated. Its something I have to work on daily. But, I think that's usually how it is. If you're really trying to teach well, you've got to readjust on a daily basis.

Currently, math is kicking the butts of my students. We are practicing unit conversions. Most get it now, but it's taken several days. We've begun moving on to precise measurements using fractions of inches. This is the 2nd day on it, but I think we'll be ready to move on by Monday. According to the district pacing chart, we are only supposed to spend one day on each lesson. That kind of pacing isn't student friendly. If kids don't understand, a teacher needs to stay there until the kids are ready to move on. There's so much wrong with public education...

One day I'll be able to run school the way that I think it should be run. That day will come when I home school my kids, or at least, when I'm able to teach fewer children at one time. I wouldn't mind working for a school that had small class sizes. They say the research isn't conclusive on whether or not small class sizes actually benefit student learning. I'll tell you from experience that those studies are hi-jacked by politicians. No one wants to pay for more teachers. The class limit for middle schools in Detroit is 38. THIRTY EIGHT students! The average kid will remain average in a class size like that. No wonder we're not moving up. I think it's reasonable to deal with 12-15 students. Classes should not exceed that number. Ever. Not if you want knowledgeable scholars. But I don't think politicians really want knowledgeable citizens. They may say that they do, but they are not willing to pay the people to get the job done.

Now I'm just talking.

The school  year starts feeling amazing once November rolls around. We have 1/2 days, finally a day or two off, and then Christmas break, and mid-winter break, and spring break, and more random days off and 1/2 days. Getting to November is the tough part. September-October is a solid block of school day after school day. People, every kind of person, needs a break. And because school is so work and brain intensive, more breaks = more happy people ready to work and use their brain again.

I've had 2 students move. One to Mexico and one to Fort Meyers. Now that Christmas is around the corner, I have a handful more students saying they are leaving to vacation in Mexico soon. That sucks. These students tend to miss 1-2 months of school, if not more. I wish their parents could understand how much their kid misses by being gone. Oh well.

Well, that's whats going on. I know it's a random assortment of all sorts of things in my head at the moment. I like teaching. I like my kids. It's hard every day. But I also laugh every day. That makes it worth it. Plus-I get notes on a daily basis telling me how awesome I am! (Seriously-according to this certain group of 10 and 11 year olds, I am the BEST math teacher and the BEST science teacher, and the COOLEST teacher ever! I don't know about you, but I care what 10 and 11 year olds think about me ;)

Pandora and Connecting to the Vine

 ...there's always that ONE kid who gets under your skin... I nearly go off on students when I've told the class repeatedly to stop talking while I'm giving directions or clarification. And I cringe every time I see a hand go up when I've asked for questions and someone wants to start sharing a story. KIDS! Why are they like this?

Yesterday was a tough day. My math lesson was boring and no one wanted to do the work. I had to constantly tell students to keep working, put your name on your paper, stop talking about that, sit down, leave her alone, do your work, stop talking, put your hand down-you can't go to the bathroom, stop talking, why haven't you started your work, put your name on your paper, no-you can't write in marker, stop talking... (Seriously.)

Since becoming a teacher not a school day goes by without me spending time in the morning asking God to give me patience and to help me be fair and full of grace and love. Every day I fail. And every morning I ask for the grace to treat my students right all over again.

I went home last night worn out. I had relied on my own (lack of) strength all day and I could tell. My students could tell, too. [It's worse for my afternoon class. By the time they get to me my morning class has stolen all of my patience and grace and there is very little nice left in me.]

This morning I knew I needed the Lord's strength. I sat for a while after waking up just thinking about everything that went wrong yesterday-just telling the Lord all about it. I'm so glad his love is unconditional-he really knows me and nothing I do is hidden from him. I find comfort in that. I don't have to try to hide things from him. He already knows-and he LOVES me JUST THE SAME. [No-I'm not saying that we can do whatever we want and abuse God's grace. That makes him angry. Just look at the letters to the churches in Revelation. What I am saying is that our messes don't phase him and his love is always unwavering towards us. Unconditional love and agreeing with our actions are two different things.]

So, I had a good morning getting my head cleared and making room in my heart for God to be in control. Then, on my way to work, the best mix of songs were on the radio. My heart went straight into worship. I wanted to just sit in my car and speak to God. But, everything you do can be worship to God-and I had a job to get started.

Thank God for Pandora Radio! As soon as I got in my classroom I knew I couldn't stop worshiping just yet. My heart just needed to commune with God. So I put on some Christian radio via Pandora while I wrote the objectives and homework for the day and looked over my lesson plans.

Today was so much better than yesterday. I treated my kids better. My lessons were better (even Math!). I laughed more. I smiled at my kids more. I spoke more encouraging words to my kids. I was no where near being worn out at the end of the day.

The thing is when I have a bad day, my kids are forced to have a bad day. But, when I have a good day nothing but good can come of it. Which means when I'm not rooted in Jesus and connected to his strength my kids suffer. But when I am full of praise and worship my kids' days are changed for the better. It is absolutely crazy to think about. It blows my mind. When I am centered in Jesus my kids reap the benefits. It doesn't matter if they believe in God or even know that I'm a follower of God--as long as I'm letting the Holy Spirit lead my day they get a taste of what real life is. CRAZY. When I'm tasting and seeing that the Lord is good my kids are able to taste and see that, too! Woah!

We are carriers of salt and light. I'm starting to realize that the church may not even know what that truly means. We don't realize how we can change the spiritual atmosphere of a place just by being present. We are ambassadors of Christ, sons and daughters of a king-the King. We are those that have found favor with the creator of the universe (the sun is 93 million miles away from earth and it would take use 24 YEARS to travel to Neptune and back....UNIVERSE).

Anyway-I think I've been all over the place here. Hopefully you can figure it out.

Keep praying, I'm still on lay-off notice. Whatever my God ordains is right.

Pink Slip

For those of you that are following I decided I would share this information.
On Saturday I came back from a wedding ceremony for a little bit before the reception. Upon arriving home, I opened my mail and found a lovely note from DPS letting me know that, unless recalled, I will be laidoff in a couple weeks.

I broke down. Completely. I couldn't even tell my parents, just had to give the note to my dad. And then everyone in the house came and hugged me, lol.

I'm not worried. I am cautiously optimistic. I don't know what will happen. I texted my principal and her response was "What? Don't worry. Have a good time at the wedding."

Now, I have a very good principal. She tells us all the time that she hand picked this staff purposely. And I've heard from staff that she's kept with her along the years that she doesn't play around when it comes to that kind of decision. I trust that she will do whatever can be done to keep me at her school.

I also trust the Lord. He is sovereign. I did not put this teaching gift inside of me. I did not make my heart love this city as I do. And I did not get this job for myself. All of my experiences and education leading up to this point have been orchestrated by the Lord. I have learned to trust him in all circumstances. I remember the way that he provided for me so tenderly in high school and became my very best friend in the whole world. I know...not from a naive-never-been-through-anything-hard but from a you-were-the-only-one-there-when-I-needed-someone-the-most...that he is faithful and his plans for this life of mine are by far superior to any I can make up on my own.

That being said, I don't know what will happen. I'm not worried...but I am eager to find out if I stay or go...and if I go, then what next.

Well, today at the staff meeting, my principal and assistant principal decided to start handing out "High Flyer" awards to staff who are going above and beyond. I got one. And I'm really glad. I don't like recognition for bragging rights, but I do like recognition...who doesn't?

I hope this means I get to stay. But even if it doesn't, it's good comfort for the time being.

Ok, so what if the earth was...

Our science curriculum starts with seasons. I don't think I could've been luckier. I love teaching seasons because kids have so many questions about the earth when it comes to seasons.

We've been doing models and dances to explore the motion of the earth around the sun. I have the North Star on one of the classroom walls. We all stand up by our chair and grab our hands over our heads to make our axis. Then we tilt toward Polaris. Next we start to rotate. And finally we keep all of that going revolve around our sun (the chairs). I had one adorable boy continue to tilt his "axis" toward Polaris even when we left the classroom for bathroom and recess. I'll have to get a pic or video of our dance.

Today I used a website today to further illustrate the importance of the earth's tilt, the angle of the sun and how they relate to temperature and hours of daylight. (Go here for the goods.) My kids LOVED it. They were asking so many questions.
"So what would happen if we didn't rotate?"
"So what would happen if our axis was titled this way?"
"So what would happen if we revolved backwards?"

It was an exciting day for seasons to say the least. Afterwards, kids began to answer "What effect does a tilted axis have on our seasons? in table groups. Brilliant answers at the end of the day make my heart warm and fuzzy. One kid wrote that if we had a straight axis then we would have the same season all year round. Another kid explained that when we the earth's tilt is pointing toward the sun then we have summer because the angle of the sunlight in the Northern Hemisphere is closer to 90 degrees. What brilliant children!

I've been needing a day like this.

Also, my principal made two shout-outs to me this week. One for tutoring without regard for pay (I tutor 2 days a week after school) and another for being the only employee, who attended a specific workshop, that shared some of the resources with my principal.

On to other news, yesterday I got a new student who only speaks Spanish. Only. I'm used to EL students...but the emphasis is learner. This poor girl doesn't understand anything I say. So I paired her up with a bilingual student who is repeating the 5th grade. I'm confident both of them will benefit from the experience. My new girl will have a translation and my bilingual girl will be responsible for reteaching the material. It's a win-win for everyone.

Let's see...what else? Oh, if you'd like to support my classroom, we are in need of personal white boards for quick formative assessments. You can donate towards this project at donorschoose.org/ostroski make sure to enter the match code PUMPKIN to instantly double your donation at no extra cost to you! Don't hold off too long though, the match code is only valid until October 15th.

Blessings to you all. <3 AmyO

Don't Take This Personal

Are you kidding me?
EVERYTHING about this job is personal. EVERYTHING.

My heart IS Detroit. They are one in the same. They cannot be separated.

Can't read? I take that personally.
Can't write? I take that personally.
Can't explain answers? I take that personally.
Can't do math you were already supposed to know? I take that personally.
Don't do homework? I take that personally.

People look at Detroit and see death. I look at Detroit and have only ever been able to see life. I see life everywhere. I see it in the hunger. People are so hungry here. It is hunger that drives addiction, neglect, abuse, and the need to be accepted, to belong. There is life in hunger. People who are fighting hunger do so because they want to live. There is life here.

There is also oppression, fatherlessness, and poverty that viciously cycles. Yeah, I see all of that, too. And I take it personally. Detroit IS my heart. How can I not take the pain personal? I see my city how it is. I see the destruction and devastation. I see the drug addicts and the torched houses. I see the camera crews on the corner of the last shooting. I see the girls walking the street. I see the trash-littered neighborhoods.

But my heart, my heart sees the life, it sees the "what-ifs" and "could bes." I see restoration. I see redemption. I see a city rebuilt. I see everything made new.

Until everyone sees what my heart sees, I will continue to take all of the pain personal. I'm a teacher on purpose. I'm trying to change this city. Not because I think I can, but because I know I was called. I was called to teach---here---in this place, where life is so hard for others to see. And in the midst of me teaching I continue to fight. I have to wage war against illiteracy. I have to wage war against laziness. I have to wage war against anything that suggests compromise. My heart cannot let these things happen to my city, but when they do, I can feel the pain on the inside. How can I not take this personally?

This is my anchor right now:
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-the Lord, who remains faithful forever. He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the plan of the wicked. 
Psalm 146

Moving Mountains

I've been telling my students all week that progress reports would be going home today. I stayed up late on Wednesday and Thursday getting grades into the computer and getting the reports ready. I've also been prepping my students because many of them were in for a rude awakening. Sometimes it's really tough being a ten year old student.

Even though I handed out dozens of F's today, I left school feeling like a champion. My kids need help. They have gotten to 5th grade without mastering many math and science concepts they are supposed to know by now. No more. That sort of education cannot continue. I would not be doing my job if it did. I can't ignore the acheivement gap between my highest and lowest students. I have one kid who can't read clocks but perfectly explained to me the process of photosynthesis. I have others that struggle to speak English but can read decimal numbers with the correct vocabulary (78.59 is read seventy eight and fifty nine hundredths). I have a lot of back-tracking to do...but it's okay. Really.

I feel like a champion because I left school today knowing, without a doubt, that my students know that I will help them. My students see me as an advocate. I really feel like I have convinced them that I am here because here is where they are. That's a really good feeling. Even in the midst of failing grades and bad feelings, I looked at my students today and saw faces that trusted me. I've earned trust. That's a big deal.

I've even begun to earn the trust of parents. When parents believe that I am an advocate for their child that changes everything. I have a couple of parents who are involved and who are beginning to trust that I will do my job to the best of my ability. That's cool.

I really enjoy what I am doing. I know I am changing things. Even if it's just this group of kids, it still changes everything. I know that me staying here in Detroit will have ripple effects. Stuff is moving and shaking.  Praise the Lord that it isn't my doing. Jesus began this good work in me and HE is the one who will bring it to completion. He called out the gift of teaching inside of me. He has put me in very unique circumstances where the gift has been fostered and strengthened. I know there is so much more that I need to learn, but it is a good feeling to be content in the middle of the waiting.

Pray for my students. Pray also for me. I feel like I'm up against mountains...good thing my God says that faith can move them!!!

I've taken away Recess

I never thought it would come to this.

Recess is the only bargaining tool that I have.

I've started putting grades into the gradebook and I've found some very disturbing information. Kids are not turning in homework. You'd think I'd realize this every day when I collect homework, right? I collect homework in piles, so I don't ever really know who is turning it in and who isn't. I know now.

One thing that I feel this district has lacked is high standards. So I set high standards for my kids. I told them they will have homework every night. They have to work in my class. It's just not an option. Hard work cannot be an option for students in this district. There is already so much against them. So many of their families are stuck in poverty cycles and aren't able to get out of that. That's got to stop, and as a teacher I can play a key role in teaching kids how to work hard and overcome the things that are in their way.

So recess becomes my time, unfortunately. If they don't turn in homework when it's due, they've still got to do the work. I refuse to let my students settle for D's and F's. They are capable of more. Some of them don't know what they are capable of. Some of them don't believe what they are capable of. Some of them have never been told what they are capable of.

I'll tell them. I'll push them. I'll make them work.

Because I really love them.